Tuesday, April 10

CHALK TALK how to parent your kids (without losing your mind) part 2

Our recent Chalk Talk event, titled How To Parent Your Kids (Without Losing Your Mind), was jam-packed with great parenting tips. So jam-packed in fact, that we needed two blog posts to share all of our notes! Check out yesterday's post for part one and read the rest of  our notes here: 

Question: What are your recommendations for dealing with teens?

  • “The I Don’t Care” Attitude. If you give your child a consequence for a bad behavior, say taking away their phone for a week, and they respond with “I don’t care,” trust me, they do. Respond with something like “Oh, Great! I was really worried that you would be upset. Well then how about we take it away for two weeks, since you just don’t care!”
  • The Driver's License: “No B’s, No Keys”. Starting at the end of 8th grade, tell your child that when they start high school you are going to be keeping track of all missing assignments or C or D’s or whatever you think is appropriate. For every missing assignment or C/D on a report card, push back getting their driver's license by one week.
  • “Why can’t I stay out all night?” Because of sex, jail, drugs and alcohol. Anything that happens after midnight when parents aren't around usually involves one of these things.
  • How do I deal with a teen who constantly wakes up disagreeable? Just say… a) "Well at least you have your health." or b) “Who are you and what have you done with my child!?"

Question: How do I reduce the amount of time I spend on the hunt for my child(ren)'s misplaced things, clothes, sports equipment, etc. 

Answer: Slightly off-the-wall parents NEVER EVER EVER look for kids stuff. Encourage your children to be independent and responsible by making them look themselves. Encourage them, but do not help them look. Make it a problem for them so next time they will put it somewhere they can find it. 

Question: My child is still attached to his/her pacifier. How do I wean him/her off of it? 

Answer: Tie the pacifier “binkie” to a string attached to a door knob far away from where you are or where their toys are. Day after day cut the string smaller and smaller and then finally cut a small slit in the tip of the pacifier.

Question: How do we (parents) keep “the love alive” in our relationship after having children?

  • Parents need to define themselves as lovers first! Being human is all about passion.
  • Children can drain the romance from a relationship really fast, but only if you let them.
  • 4 greatest secrets to keeping romance alive with kids is to:
    • Lie… in bed together
    • Cheat…on your budget--get away together
    • Steal… Time away from your daily routine – and spend time together
    • Divorce… Yourself of worries, of what you should do for your children. 
  • Parents who keep their intimate partner primary are happier and are better parents!

Question: What is a good age to start talking to your kids about sex ? 

Answer: From day one! Always have an open line of communication with your children. Make sure they from early on they feel comfortable talking to you. When you do have conversations about body parts make sure you are using the correct and proper terms, and not fluffy cutesy names. 

Question: Is it alright, if you are in the heat of the moment, to let your kids see you upset?

Answer: Yes. But make sure you are explaining to your children why you are upset, and what you need--a time-out, a walk, a bath, whatever it takes for you to calm down, just step away. Make sure you are using the correct terms to describe how you are really feeling: mad, frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed, etc.  Do the same for your children when they are upset; have them explain why they are upset and what they need. 

Learn more about Scott Peebles' parenting methods here

Contributed by Scott Peebles, M.A., MFCC, H.B. 

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