Showing posts with label Chalk Talk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chalk Talk. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 10

CHALK TALK how to parent your kids (without losing your mind) part 2


Our recent Chalk Talk event, titled How To Parent Your Kids (Without Losing Your Mind), was jam-packed with great parenting tips. So jam-packed in fact, that we needed two blog posts to share all of our notes! Check out yesterday's post for part one and read the rest of  our notes here: 


Question: What are your recommendations for dealing with teens?

Answer:
  • “The I Don’t Care” Attitude. If you give your child a consequence for a bad behavior, say taking away their phone for a week, and they respond with “I don’t care,” trust me, they do. Respond with something like “Oh, Great! I was really worried that you would be upset. Well then how about we take it away for two weeks, since you just don’t care!”
  • The Driver's License: “No B’s, No Keys”. Starting at the end of 8th grade, tell your child that when they start high school you are going to be keeping track of all missing assignments or C or D’s or whatever you think is appropriate. For every missing assignment or C/D on a report card, push back getting their driver's license by one week.
  • “Why can’t I stay out all night?” Because of sex, jail, drugs and alcohol. Anything that happens after midnight when parents aren't around usually involves one of these things.
  • How do I deal with a teen who constantly wakes up disagreeable? Just say… a) "Well at least you have your health." or b) “Who are you and what have you done with my child!?"

Question: How do I reduce the amount of time I spend on the hunt for my child(ren)'s misplaced things, clothes, sports equipment, etc. 

Answer: Slightly off-the-wall parents NEVER EVER EVER look for kids stuff. Encourage your children to be independent and responsible by making them look themselves. Encourage them, but do not help them look. Make it a problem for them so next time they will put it somewhere they can find it. 

Question: My child is still attached to his/her pacifier. How do I wean him/her off of it? 

Answer: Tie the pacifier “binkie” to a string attached to a door knob far away from where you are or where their toys are. Day after day cut the string smaller and smaller and then finally cut a small slit in the tip of the pacifier.

Question: How do we (parents) keep “the love alive” in our relationship after having children?

Answer: 
  • Parents need to define themselves as lovers first! Being human is all about passion.
  • Children can drain the romance from a relationship really fast, but only if you let them.
  • 4 greatest secrets to keeping romance alive with kids is to:
    • Lie… in bed together
    • Cheat…on your budget--get away together
    • Steal… Time away from your daily routine – and spend time together
    • Divorce… Yourself of worries, of what you should do for your children. 
  • Parents who keep their intimate partner primary are happier and are better parents!

Question: What is a good age to start talking to your kids about sex ? 

Answer: From day one! Always have an open line of communication with your children. Make sure they from early on they feel comfortable talking to you. When you do have conversations about body parts make sure you are using the correct and proper terms, and not fluffy cutesy names. 

Question: Is it alright, if you are in the heat of the moment, to let your kids see you upset?

Answer: Yes. But make sure you are explaining to your children why you are upset, and what you need--a time-out, a walk, a bath, whatever it takes for you to calm down, just step away. Make sure you are using the correct terms to describe how you are really feeling: mad, frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed, etc.  Do the same for your children when they are upset; have them explain why they are upset and what they need. 

Learn more about Scott Peebles' parenting methods here

Contributed by Scott Peebles, M.A., MFCC, H.B. 

Monday, April 9

CHALK TALK how to parent your kids (without losing your mind) part 1



We were pleased to welcome acclaimed parenting speaker Scott Peebles to the Edgewood campus on April 3 to share his "slightly off-the-wall parenting" methods at our Chalk Talk event. Our parents were laughing out loud during his presentation and asked some excellent questions. Scott had so many great tips, we're sharing the notes in two parts--check back tomorrow for the second post! 

Question: What is the key to becoming a successful parent? 

Answer: 

  • Become a "Slightly Off-The-Wall Parent," which means doing things a little differently than might seem natural to you as a parent.
  • Be consistent. Say it once and follow through! Just making this one change in parenting will put you miles ahead of where you are. The key is “CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY”
  • Keep this in mind: PMMFI “Please Make Me Feel Important.” Apply this rule to your children, your spouse and yourself. Everyone wants to feel important so make sure you are not only getting the attention you need but showing love and care for your partner and your children.

Question: How should I react/what do I do when my child brings home a bad grade?

Answer: 

Try a dialogue like this: 

  • Parent: “Great you got an F, isn’t that what you wanted?"
  • Child: “Well no, I wanted an A.” 
  • Parent: “Well did you study?”
  • Child: "Well, no..."

Emphasize that there are no failures, only results. You either get the results you want or the results you don’t want, and if you aren’t getting the results you want then you probably need to try doing something differently. 


Question: How do I interact with my kids in a way that instills confidence? 

Answer: 

  • Always look for the "gold" in your children. Make your child the star of the evening and give them the opportunity to talk as much as they want about all they things they are proud of.
  • Adopt the “Family Kindness Act” and every night or once a week at dinner have everyone in the family say two nice things about the other family members. Ask them, "What have you done today that you are proud of?” and let them talk.

Question: What do I do when my child starts throwing a tantrum?

Answer: 

  • Time them
  • Root them on--encourage them to keep on having a fit (reverse psychology)
  • Have a tantrum with them
  • Make a "Tantrum in Progress" sign to hold up if you are in public

Question: What is a good way to get my kids to bed on time?

Answer: Pick a song--make it one you like--and play it as they are getting ready for bed until they go to sleep. Over time... (ever heard of Pavlov?) they will start getting sleepy just by hearing the song.

Question: How do I say "No" without always saying no?

Answer: 

  • First, teach your children to respond to hearing "No" with the phrase that pays: "Thank you for considering, maybe next time?" Encourage your child  to respond in this way when you or anyone else says “no” to a request they have. 
  • Alternatives to No: 
    • Say Yes… Later 
    • “Give me a minute.”
    • “Convince me.” Have them think of a way to convince you, the answer still may be No but you have given them an opportunity to think through (i.e. “Dad, Can I borrow the car?” “No”  “Please Dad, I really need the car…”  “Ok, Convince me…” “Well, If you don’t let me drive the car then you will have to take me and all my friends to football practice..” “OK”)
  • Use the “Big No Sheet.” Basically, they say no, you say no. Make a big sheet, or list that you have in an easy-to-find place. When you ask your child to do something, a chore for example, and they say “no” you write it down on this sheet. Later when they ask you for something, go take a look at the sheet. “Well, it looks like you said “no” to doing the dishes, so no you don’t get to go out tonight”. Make it a problem for them. 

Contributed by Scott Peebles, M.A., MFCC, H.B. 

Thursday, March 22

CHALK TALK how to keep your kids safe online


On Wednesday, February 29 we hosted a Chalk Talk at our Mable Campus on the topic of Online Safety. We welcomed expert Monique Nelson, the Chief Operating Officer at Web Wise Kids to present to our families. Web Wise Kids is a Southern California based non-profit with the mission of teaching kids, parents and the community the value of making safe and wise choices in a technologically evolving world. The organization does this by creating and distributing interactive content through the same media that kids and adults use on a daily basis. 

Monique has years of experience speaking on this topic, and she approached our audience with nonchalance and humor (much appreciated after a long day). She touched on some great points that we wanted to share here on our blog... 
  • Age 11 is when kids really begin using the computer and when parents need to become cognoscente of online behavior 
  • Kids are making the trends online, so there is a definite need for parents and teachers to understand those trends 
  • What happens online stays online, and more people than just your immediate social network see your posts (friend of the friend of the friend rule) 
  • Teens feel safer online than in real life; being online gives them a sense of anonymity that often results in them sharing very personal information 
  • Parents should know the "Net Lingo." For example, PIR means "parents in room," POS means "parent over shoulder." Visit netlingo.com for more acronym definitions. 
  • Photos taken on cell phones are automatically geo-tagged, and child predators sometimes use those tags to find children. Be sure to disable location services for photos on your cell phone. 
  • When creating household internet safety rules, involve the children in making the rules and be consistent in enforcement. 
Visit www.webwisekids.org for more parent tips and resources. 

(Image from AssociaLiving.com)

Contributed by Alyssa, Fairmont Private Schools

Wednesday, February 8

CHALK TALK what every parent should know (pt 2)

Last week, we began a three-part series of posts re-capping our Chalk Talk on the topic "What Every Parent Should Know Before Your Child Turns 18." Our first post covered the various modes of learning. This week we were fortunate to have one of our speakers, educational consultant Rajeshri Gandhi, guest blog for us on the topic of self-efficacy. Please enjoy her contribution below. 


The Little Engine that Could, a manifestation of self efficacy.
The popular children’s book, The Little Engine that Could, is a great example of the power of a strong sense of self efficacy.  Self efficacy, a central component to psychologist Albert Bandera’s social cognitive theory, can be described as one’s belief in him/herself to succeed in difficult situations.  Believing in one’s ability to succeed in the face of challenge makes it more likely that a person will actually attempt the future challenge and will be successful in that attempt. Developing a strong sense of self efficacy is instrumental to long term success and achieving potential.  People with a strong sense of self efficacy tend to seek out rather than avoid challenges, have stronger investment and engagement to the tasks at hand and demonstrate resilience in the face of setbacks.

In The Little Engine that Could, a small, inexperienced engine helps a broken down train full of toys, food and other goods.  This little engine is the fourth one that is asked to help and does so after three seemingly stronger, fitter engines have refused.  The main sources of power that this little engine draws upon is her own willingness to try/take a risk, the support of her peers (the toys and dolls that cheer her on,) and her own belief in herself (I think I can-I think I can.)  Each of these attributes articulates key components in developing self efficacy.

Children begin developing their sense of self efficacy early in life and parents can foster its strength with consistent and deliberate efforts.  In addition to continually giving positive verbal reinforcement, parents should seek out activities that their child can master so that they can know what success feels like.  It is equally important to provide children with increasing levels of challenge so that they feel as though they have earned/achieved success as they master more difficult tasks.  This confidence will help a child to regroup in the face of failure and try again. A parent’s own success can be inspiring to a child and parents can serve as great role models of success through their actions, their attitudes and how they deal with challenge.  If a parent shows confidence when tackling a difficult task and demonstrates resilience in the face of failure, the child will learn the same attitude.  

Teaching children how to face difficult tasks is another important step in building strong self efficacy.  Sometimes parents tend to have their children avoid situations that might be difficult.  While all of us have times in which our confidence is challenged or we would rather not do something out of fear or fear of failure, it is important that we not let that fear overtake our judgment.  It is important for parents to know their child’s limits, but use that knowledge to help them learn how to handle challenges and take risks.  Risk taking is an important learning experience to help children learn how to overcome obstacles and work towards success, knowing that they may not achieve it initially.  The engine in the story was moved by the need for the goods to reach the other side of the mountain and her sense of wanting to help allowed her to overcome her fear of not being successful.  She also felt very good about herself because she was successful at a task that other engines didn’t even attempt.

Be aware of what you say and how you say it.  Give your child verbal encouragement and always demonstrate your belief if his/her ability to succeed.  Emphasize preparation, confidence, attitude and other attributes that a child can control so that the child can use this positive reinforcement to power their actions and learn how to motivate and encourage him/herself.  If a child does not succeed, help him/her diagnose what to do differently the next time and encourage another attempt with the belief of success.  The engine in the story explained to the toys and goods that she was inexperienced and not sure of her strength, but the encouragement from those toys was enough to get her to try to succeed and in the process, she learned to be her own cheerleader.

Contributed by Rajeshri Gandhi, Educational Consultant 

Tuesday, January 31

CHALK TALK what every parent should know before your child turns 18 (pt 1)


Two years ago, Fairmont began hosting "Chalk Talks"--a bi-annual series of workshops and lectures open to Fairmont families and the community. We wanted to bring in great speakers on topics that parents care about (education, health & wellness, online safety, etc) and extend the Fairmont learning environment to parents and grown-ups, because we believe you should never stop learning. We've had some awesome events with speakers like Chef Tanya of Native Foods, Derek Sabori of Volcom, and Jack Lindquist of Disneyland. To share these speakers' knowledge with a broader audience, we've decided to start re-capping our Chalk Talks on our blog in this new "Chalk Talk" category. 

We kicked off our spring 2012 Chalk Talk series in early January with Becoming Bilingual at our Anaheim Hills campus and then heard from our Director of Education, Sandy Cosgrove about Fairmont's 2011 Academic Outcomes at our inaugural Fairmont Expo. At our third Chalk Talk last week, a panel of college admissions and child development experts shared "What Every Parent Should Know Before Your Child Turns 18." There was so much great content, we've decided to share it in a series of three posts over the next couple weeks. To start, here's an intro to our panelists and an overview of the modes of learning.

Re-Cap: What Every Child Should Know Before Your Child Turns 18
Panelists: 
-Rajeshri Gandhi, Educational Consultant
-Denise Hunter, Admissions Counslor, West Coast University
-Dipa Gandhi, ABC School District
-Erik Gutierrez, College Counselor, Whitney High School

Introduction to Topic: Students must undergo long-term preparation for long-term success and that requires a strategic focus by parents. Thoughtful academic choices, coupled with awareness of risk taking and understanding that today's students are complex, global, digital natives, are the keys to success.


Modes of Learning: While 60% of the population is now believed to be multi-modal, it’s important for students to understand what their top mode(s) of learning are and how to capitalize on them.

  • Visual Learners – take notes on unlined paper where space is unrestricted by lines/graphs and blank space is conducive to little drawings and pictures.
  • Auditory Learners – make songs to help memorize facts or use mnemonics like ROYGBIV. Listen to music while studying to get relaxed (music without lyrics at 60 beats per minute—like classical music from the Baroque period).
  • Kinesthetic Learners LOCI method to associate locations with certain topics.  Take a walk around the neighborhood with your stack of flash cards. Memorize a fact while standing in front of a certain tree or mailbox, etc so that you recall the fact when you think of the location.
  • Read/Write Learners – Re-read text or re-write notes repetitively to memorize facts.

Next Wednesday, look for our second post on this topic, written by one of the event speakers, Rajeshri Ghandi, on the topic of self-efficacy. 

Contributed by Alyssa, Fairmont Private Schools